Rest In Peace:

Common Sense

Obituary:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will long be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair;
And, maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policy, "Don't Spend More Than You Earn", and other reliable strategies, such as, "Adults, Not Children, Are In Charge".

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned, but overbearing, regulations were recently set in place:

• Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate 
• Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch 
• A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student

These, and others like them, only hastened to worsen his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they, themselves, had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

Common Sense declined when schools were required to get parental consent to administer suntan lotion, or an aspirin, to a student.

Common Sense deteriorated further as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

But Common Sense took a real beating when we couldn't defend ourselves from a burglar in our own home and the burglar was allowed to sue us for assault.

Regrettably, Common Sense finally gave up his will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his two sons, Logic and Reason.

He is survived by his five stepbrothers:

I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim Here
Pay Me For Doing Nothing.

Not many attended his funeral.  It is believed to be because so few realized he had expired.

Some people, like me, are demanding a Public Inquiry into his death. Did he simply die of despair, as the coroner announced yesterday, or, (as I personally suspect), was he murdered by General Apathy? The early arrest of any suspects by police is not anticipated.

It is times like this I wish I believed in reincarnation.

Sincerely,
John Q. Public

“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do, and by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale

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