The Differences Between the North and South, clearly explained ...
[Sent by Craig Latham, and shared with you]
North has Bloomingdale's; South has Dollar General.
North has coffee houses; South has Waffle Houses.
North has dating services; South has family reunions.
North has switchblade knives; South has .45's
North has double last names; South has double first names.
North has Indy car races; South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat; South has grits.
North has green salads; South has collard greens.
North has lobsters; South has crawfish.
North has the rust belt; South has the Bible Belt .
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH ...
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store ... do
NOT buy food at this store.
Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'all's" is
plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "Y'all ain't from 'round here, are y'all?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand YOU either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'" as in ... big ol' truck or big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of, or even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence will be required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything there or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they
are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
And REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think
we will accept them as Southerners ... after all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life
will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too!
To use the ultimate Southern term of affection -- BLESS YOUR HEART! You can say ANYTHING about a person as long as you say BLESS THEIR HEART at the end of it.
The difference between a Northern Fairy Tale and a Southern Fairy Tale:
In the North they say "Once upon a time" and in the South they say "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
Thank you for sending this to me, Craig! You're the best!
Hugs,
CJ
“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale
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