Letterman on Voting Democrat

David Letterman

LETTERMAN'S TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT:

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

… And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." ~ Albert Einstein



“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do, and by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale

Humor: "Grammas and Grampas"

Grammas and Grampas are Different ...

I thought it would be a good time for a little levity here at Memoirs. Too much heavy stuff lately.

I found this in my email this morning from Craig Latham. Thank you, Craig! I needed the laugh today!

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grammas and Grampas? I mean besides the obvious, of course ...

Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on the weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his seven-year-old granddaughter, Lizzie, out for a little drive in the car for some quality time together -- just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday morning, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel up to getting out of bed at all. He knew Lizzie always looked forward to their drives and she would probably be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and told him she would fill in for him and take their granddaughter for a Saturday drive.

When his wife and Lizzie returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still sick in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with gramma?" he asked her.

"Oh, yes, Pop-Pop, it was really wonderful! But ya know something? We didn't see one single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or even a son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale

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