"Sharing can be a way of healing. Grief and loss can isolate,
anger even alienate. Shared with others, emotions unite
as we see we aren't alone. We realize others weep with us."
~Susan Wittig Albert

Through our writing, we walk out of the darkness into the light
together, one small step at a time. ~CJ/Todd Dierdorff



Friday, January 17, 2014

Again and Again


Dustoff Helicopter

by Jim Van Doren


I have this recurring nightmare:

Even though we were scheduled to be "2nd Up", we've flown into the same hot LZ again and again today, under fire, to rescue the wounded - a dozen at a time.  On our 5th mission this day, 11 Nov 65, I recognize the soldier I'm loading.  God, no!  It's the medic who's been bringing me his wounded - again and again - all throughout the battle.

[Infantry soldiers are trained to seek out whatever cover or concealment they can find, but when the ground medic hears, "Doc, I'm hit!", he will rush toward the enemy guns to rescue his wounded buddy.  Under fire!  Without hesitation!  Again and again!]

We've loaded everyone we can cram onto the Huey and lift off; now I can triage my patients.  God, no!  The medic's gut-shot, and I can't save him!  I have other wounded aboard I can try to keep alive until we get them to the field hospital; maybe the Chaplain can help those I can't.

Then I wake up again, in a hot sweat again, and apologize again to my wife for kicking her out of bed with my thrashing - again.  My war is long over, we remember, and I go back to sleep.

But it's not over.  Now I'm being deployed overseas, again.  I've lost more buddies than I've saved, so I've stopped counting.  I don't know if I can keep any of them alive anymore; I know I can't keep them from being wounded, and that drives a cold stake through my heart.  But I have to go - again and again - because they will need me - again and again.  God, no!

Then I wake up again, but this time I don't go back to bed.  After half a pot of coffee I realize the second nightmare is not mine - It's that of the medics I may never know, who have been deployed - again and again!

But I DO know them, and their buddies - and so do you. God, no!

Jim Van Doren
Dustoff Medic
Vietnam, 65-66

"I was born in Ohio, but grew up in Vietnam."


“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do, and by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale



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