When we don't know ourselves, it's hard to face hidden pain. Pain seems to overwhelm us. It feels like it could kill or devour us. Pain that's surfacing is often avoided by drugs, alcohol and other forms of addiction. It's like a merry-go-round and we think there's no escape. To cope, some will do almost anything and this is often worse than the pain itself.
Psychology, Religion and Mysticism have all evolved as ways to identify, face and cope with pain but mostly on an intellectual level. The hope that's offered is one that may or may not come. While they can help us come to grips with pain, they don't stop it or make it go away. This is something we have to realize within ourselves. Pain will only leave, once we realize that an internal conflict is unwarranted or unnecessary. Pain comes when our actions and beliefs come into conflict -- when what we do or did isn't in harmony with what we were taught to believe. Pain exists because we've been taught to believe a right and wrong exists.
If we examine right and wrong, we find that over centuries, laws and religious commandments have been passed down without much scrutiny. We've all been led to believe that an unknown, invisible force, called God, is somewhere up there pulling our strings and he'll punish us for commandments we've broken. These commandments conflict with the reality of life's experiences and cause deep pain. Life is a conflict because our minds and hearts are at odds.
To kill someone is not wrong because God said it is wrong. It hurts when someone dies, because a part of us dies, too. We are all connected. Our minds may tell us we come from a different culture or country, but our hearts and experience reveal that we're all the same and we want the same things. It's the realization that you and your enemy are similar that causes the guilt. Again, he was no different then you, felt as you did, and believed what you did. However, the label "enemy" stood in the way. God doesn't need to tell you this, your heart does.
There is no true forgiveness from the idea of a God that created hell and who sets levels of acceptance to get to heaven. Only our heart and an infinite universe that accepts and allows all things can solve the mystery of why things happen and how to deal with them. The answer to tragedy in a person's life must come from beyond the mind and be realized in the heart with the help of a loving universe. Don't pray for forgiveness or look to make amends. Accept who you are. Accept what happened. Learn to accept the pain as a doorway to a greater understanding of life and your self. This experience can make a breakthrough to something more real and lasting, something that will go beyond ideologies, commandments, and God. You come to the steps of reality and, in the end, you realize it does not matter, except in your mind.
“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale
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