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I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards ...
Instead of sending 18-year old's off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-old's think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however ... I've been in combat and I never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too ... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. 18-year old's still haven't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head!
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those terrorists.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however ... I've been in combat and I never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too ... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. 18-year old's still haven't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head!
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those terrorists.
The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who already know their best years are far behind them.
HEY! How about recruiting women over 50, the ones in menopause! You think men have attitudes? Ohhhh my God! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
[Author Unknown: Contributed to Memoirs From Nam by Joe Parente]
HEY! How about recruiting women over 50, the ones in menopause! You think men have attitudes? Ohhhh my God! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
[Author Unknown: Contributed to Memoirs From Nam by Joe Parente]
***Too Funny! Thanks, Joe! ~CJ
“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do, and by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale
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Must admit that your last statement regarding how to secure the Mexican border is spot on! OMG - that would perhaps be eventually incorporated into the Geneva Convention if utilized - That would NOT be a pretty sight!
ReplyDeleteFunny, Anonymous ... but I'd be afraid women our/my age would only expend their energy to decorate the stupid border and plant flowers on both sides ...
DeleteLOL---that is fine CJ - - you would compose a new generation then of the "Flower Child" and a resurrection of the 60's!
DeleteThat's because you are now capable of free thinking and you will question the stupid choices some of our leaders make. Adults our age can't be so easily manipulated or told to mindlessly do simple tasks without needing to know why. If you give battleship groups to a group of older Americans who can think for themselves I think the world would be a little more secure. I think the political climate might change too. :) Rod Crochiere
ReplyDeleteHmmm, maybe we should give weapons to the politicians from each country that can't agree on something, put them in an arena, and let THEM duke it out. NO more wars.
ReplyDeleteHell yeah, I'm ready to kill some scum. My trigger finger works fine and am still very good at it. Jeff Loomis
ReplyDelete