Vietnam Vet Reading a Letter From Home |
Perhaps the most overlooked wound of war is a broken heart.
We all lived for the day we would return to "the world" to be reunited with our spouse or girlfriend, families and life-long friends. It motivated us, we dreamed about it, and it gave us a reason to survive.
I suspect most of us knew someone who received a "Dear John" letter during his tour. I can't imagine what goes on inside the mind of a young man whose entire world is turned upside down by a few written words from the person he lived for.
I have often wondered what happened to these men. I suspect the majority found someone else and moved on with their lives.
But what becomes of a man whose world was suspended many years ago, and yet he still lives?
A fragile high school yearbook
My memory whispers your name
Your image comes into focus
Maybe Tomorrow
and two fading pictures
is all that remains.
These are my treasures
and most valuable possessions.
Each day they become more cherished.
Some would say I am approaching
the “winter of my life”, but truthfully,
that began the day you said goodbye.
On the very last page of the yearbook
is a long and lovely affirmation
professing your love for me
and acknowledging mine for you.
I can recite it word for word
yet I often read it aloud
while pretending
we are speaking face to face.
My love is so intense
I do not hear your words,
I only delight in your presence.
I have no sense of where you are,
I have no sense of where you are,
what you do, or if you are content.
I realize, I do not have the right
to know these things,
but my heart never asks
for permission to wonder.
Broken hearts are rebellious.
As I lazily doze
in my old threadbare chair,
I am pleasingly disturbed
by a waft of your sweet scent
as it floats on a gentle breeze
outside my window.
I recognize it without doubt
and it is like candy to a child.
My memory whispers your name
and my soul is comforted
by your presence.
Yes, it is only a dream,
but it is mine.
I cling to it with all I have
and all I am.
Your image comes into focus
and I am mesmerized.
You are even more beautiful than yesterday.
We touch and I am overcome
with a serenity that warms my body
and brings comfort to my marrow.
My world is absolute
and my prayers answered.
Is it possible I am conscious?
Is this bona fide?
No, it is all as empty as my arms.
I must dream harder tomorrow
and I will.
Each day I waken
Each day I waken
to the Wilderness that is my heart
and I hope, pray and sometimes mourn.
And then I do it again tomorrow
and tomorrow
and tomorrow.
My need for you grows stronger each day
but age weakens me and I often tire.
I will continue my quest
until my parting breath
because I must.
I simply must.
If I had the opportunity
to strike a Devil’s bargain
I would seize it
like a starving wolf to a bone.
After so many years,
After so many years,
my thoughts debate my memory
as to the sound of your voice,
the softness of your skin,
or even the sparkle in your eyes.
I can recall the way you made me feel
as if it was this morning,
because it was.
Can one so old remember
Can one so old remember
the passion of innocent love
and youthful wonderment?
I can, or else I am daft.
After so many years
and so many dreams
I am sometimes confused.
I will investigate no further today
as I am tired
and my mind is teeming
with pleasing thoughts
that need not be disturbed.
And if there is another tomorrow,
there is another dream
and that is my deliverance
Loyd Cates |
and my salvation.
SSG Cates RVN '69-'70
199th Light Infantry Brigade
Also by Loyd Cates:
SSG Cates RVN '69-'70
199th Light Infantry Brigade
Also by Loyd Cates:
Memorial Day: by Loyd Cates
“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do, and by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale
Add your opinion, thought, or comment, about this post. You are also invited to write about anything you want to share. Send it to me in an e-mail and I will be proud to post it for you.
Memoirs From Nam is YOUR blog.
“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do, and by the grace of God, I will.” ~Everett Hale
Add your opinion, thought, or comment, about this post. You are also invited to write about anything you want to share. Send it to me in an e-mail and I will be proud to post it for you.
Memoirs From Nam is YOUR blog.
While I was in Nam I saw some of the guys who did receive a Dear John letter. Some took it ok! Some I thought would go out of their minds and some did some crazy things. True you did look forward to the letters and that is what kept you going, but like in all wars, guys are young and I guess some girls back home didn't understand what one goes through fighting a war.
ReplyDeleteI was lucky -- I met Loyce in Nov. 1966, and we've been together ever since. In June of this year, we were married 45 yrs. When we reach our 50th, I'm going to write the Commandant of the Marine Corps and demand she get awarded the Medal of Honor for putting up with this ole marine haha! But anyways, this was a good story. --Allen J. Folk
It's always a pleasure, reading your comments, Allen. I would say you are in the minority, being married for such a long time, and I think it's wonderful! Please know, I wish you many, many more years of happiness together.
DeleteA beautiful, lyrical account of unrequited love. Sad but profound. I can hear your pain.
ReplyDelete